• Upper Valley Footpath
• Length: 185 feet (yes, it’s short)
• Avg gradient: 21%
• Peak gradient: 31%
• Difficulty: 2/5
• Likelihood of encountering unpleasant motor-vehicles: 0/5
• Elevation gain: 40ft
• Strava It won’t let me make one as it’s too short.

Want some ‘30% climb’ bragging rights?

While on the topic of gennels that you probably shouldn’t cycle up, I present to you the highly specific footpath between Upper Valley Road and Argyle Street, Meersbrook.

Facing the far more difficult Kent Road, this is its own unique challenge, with both a higher average and peak gradient than its neighbour. At only 184 feet long, it’s not time consuming, just make sure you do it when there isn’t someone coming down the path.

At the start you will see two paths, make sure that you take the one on the left, as I think the right-hand one has a few steps. It’s cobbled, so you can pretend you’re in Belgium as you begin the 10% opening. As the path bends slightly, the gradient is up to 20% and continues increasing as you climb. Keep the momentum, as you pass some little mosaic bollards and you briefly touch a 30% incline. Then, like that, you’re at the top.

You can now tell all your mates that you cycled up a 30% gradient, just don’t tell them how long it was.

• Ranmoor Gennel
• Length: 0.1 miles
• Avg gradient: 14%
• Peak gradient: Somewhere between 33-47%!
• Difficulty: 6/5
• Likelihood of encountering unpleasant motor-vehicles: 0/5
• Elevation gain: 83ft
• Strava It won’t let me make one as it’s too short.

Possibly impossible?

Disclosure: I have never managed to climb this short hill to the end but I’m sure someone, somewhere can.

It’s probably a bit legally grey to cycle up here as, although it’s not actually signposted as a footpath, no reasonable cyclist would take their bike up here and I congratulate you if you even make it to the lamppost.

First of all, unless you can bunny hop three large steps into a metre-wide gennel, you’re starting from a standing stop on what RideWighGPS tells me is a 9% incline. Add to that, the surface is uneven cobbles and probably covered in leaves. It’s not an easy start. I found it hard enough to even begin but there is a handrail to help if you’re wobbling a bit too much. The path does a get a bit wider further up but your objective here is to get any momentum without hitting the sides.

If you manage to get going, well done, now just try not to ride into any stinging nettles, scrape a leg on the wall or skid on leaves, all while fighting with the very uneven surface that is slowly increasing, breaking double figures about 30 yards in. Travel about the same distance again you’ll see the lamppost where the path bends to the right, coinciding with the gradient reaching around 20%.

If that was the end, it would be an interesting little challenge (not to mention the potential hazard of someone walking down the path) but the final run to the end of the gennel is ridiculous. GPS recordings are wonky here because of all the tree cover but my GPS recordings puts it somewhere between 35-47%. 47% seems like an exaggeration but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is at least 40%. That’s approaching 1:1.

If you make it out of here, you are a cycle climb master.